It has been some time since I posted on here and, since I was sort of the one originally championing the cause of the blog, a lapse in other postings as well. For this I must apologize and give explanation.
I am now officially a lost sheep, a prodigal son, or one of the lapsed. I have been struggling with many things since June of last year and this blog was actually, in part, an attempt of mine to stem the tide of my own impending disbelief in God and disenchantment with life. I figured if I could steep myself in scripture once more and gain an audience or a group of friends I would find purpose once again. I have not. And life has quickly consumed the joy which once I only found in pursuing Christ.
But I can't find it there any longer. I read and pray...nothing. I go to Church, try to sing, listen intently...nothing. I work with the youth and try to teach...nothing. I can no longer be a hypocrite and continue in these things. I have turned from my Faith because I feel my Faith has turned from me. Try as I might, I can't touch it any longer, I can't feel it pulse through my veins, I draw little strength and no peace from it. I have no hope that anything now is working to my good. No hope at all actually. Henry David Thoreau, a deist, once said that the masses lead lives of quiet desperation. I agree with him and am succumbing now to the quiet desperation my life has been consumed by.
This is why I have not posted on here lately. I didn't feel it would be right as I dealt with the weight of these feelings to act as if everything was ok; so I said nothing at all. But my feelings have got to the breaking point and my grip on life and faith has dissolved to the point that I fear the complete loss of both (a recent hospital visit confirmed the former). So I leave the blog to whatever future it has under Brett and Stephen (and maybe myself if I can find my way back to the fold so-to-speak) and apologize for its short history. I encourage you all to continue in the faith and give me a model to live up to again. For now, however, I cannot pretend to have my stuff together and will no longer contribute to a blog knowing that I have nothing of any worth to say at this point in time.
I wish you well,
Chris
Chris, you honesty to your self, and to everyone, is refreshing. We all have times we doubt, Thomas did and he actually saw Christ! No judgement from us and we hope that God once again finds you. You are a great guy and all 3 of us will continue to pray for you.
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